When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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