so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize