You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
