I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
