this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
