My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
