hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
