So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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