I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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