I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
