Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
