Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
