I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
