I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
