"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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