I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
