OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
