It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
no you cant smoke seaweed
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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