this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
