yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
