office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
