Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
