If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
