i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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