It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
