These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
