She's like a pop up book from hell.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
