Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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