i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
