Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
