bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just puked most of my soul out..
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
