it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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