Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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