Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
