i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
