I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
