Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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