she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
