Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
