i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
