Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize