Can i not drive my cunt home
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
