When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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