You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
