i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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