I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
