Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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