Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize