Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
