five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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