Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
