Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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