do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
