Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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