he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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