People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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