I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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