By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
