is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
