somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
