My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
