"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
