oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
