Your dad touched me again.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
