were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
