I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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