At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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