Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
