you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize