He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
where are you?
Hypothermia
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
