Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This toilet bowl is my home.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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