I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize