I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
