Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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