were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
