1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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