next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
