my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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