note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
