Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
