Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This is classic penis vs brain.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize