You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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