I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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