I wanna bring you to show and tell
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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