She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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