Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
