And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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