Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
