just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
