your room smells of hookers.
And success
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
