just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize