She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
