dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
