is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
