He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
