dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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