it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
