you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
