I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Your cock deserves a montage
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
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